I've mentioned in previous posts that I am depressed, something that took me a long time to admit to myself but also to other people. I long thought this was something that affected only me since no one had to deal with my problems and when I was depressed I closed my door and dealt with the issues by myself. Recently though I have come to the realisation that this isn't the case. My depression affects the people around me and I let other people play too much of a part of my happiness.
I'm not saying my friends aren't important in my life and that I don't have them to thank for some of my happiness. What I'm saying is that I shouldn't rely on them to be happy, which is something I've done my whole life and probably would have continued to do if it wasn't for a huge wake up call.
There wasn't any particular thing happening to me that made me realise it, I simply came to the conclusion that I have been blaming the wrong thing for years; other people.
It is very easy to put the blame on someone else. You can claim that you're depressed because something has happened in your life. It's probably true that something has caused you to feel the way you do but in the end, that's not the issue. The issue is that you don't feel secure with yourself and therefore can't handle unexpected feelings that you might get. In this situation you have to choices.
1) You can keep blaming other people and live your life being happy by having other people providing you that happiness.
2) Realise that the people around you aren't the issue, neither are you but you have to work on your confidence and how you deal with problems. That way you can be happy by yourself and the people around you will be a source for extra happiness.
The biggest issue in the world, in my opinion, is our constant need to be validated from the outside. We all know that's the case but we don't actually do anything about it. I can admit that it is probably my biggest issue. If I don't get validated by an external source I feel like I'm not worth anything and this triggers my depression. This is something I need to work on before I actually deserve validation from someone else.
So with depression it's easy to blame other people when in fact there's no one to blame. It might sound unfair, it did to me at least, but the only thing you can do is except the fact that someone or something might bring out a feeling you have. This isn't that person's fault and if you don't work on it someone else will bring out that feeling again. It's not easy but nothing in life is really. As cliché as it sounds you need to love yourself before you can love someone else but that also counts for happiness. If you can't be happy by yourself, you are not ready to be happy with anyone else and we therefore need to learn to deal with our issues instead of pushing them under the carpet.
I'm not saying my friends aren't important in my life and that I don't have them to thank for some of my happiness. What I'm saying is that I shouldn't rely on them to be happy, which is something I've done my whole life and probably would have continued to do if it wasn't for a huge wake up call.
There wasn't any particular thing happening to me that made me realise it, I simply came to the conclusion that I have been blaming the wrong thing for years; other people.
It is very easy to put the blame on someone else. You can claim that you're depressed because something has happened in your life. It's probably true that something has caused you to feel the way you do but in the end, that's not the issue. The issue is that you don't feel secure with yourself and therefore can't handle unexpected feelings that you might get. In this situation you have to choices.
1) You can keep blaming other people and live your life being happy by having other people providing you that happiness.
2) Realise that the people around you aren't the issue, neither are you but you have to work on your confidence and how you deal with problems. That way you can be happy by yourself and the people around you will be a source for extra happiness.
The biggest issue in the world, in my opinion, is our constant need to be validated from the outside. We all know that's the case but we don't actually do anything about it. I can admit that it is probably my biggest issue. If I don't get validated by an external source I feel like I'm not worth anything and this triggers my depression. This is something I need to work on before I actually deserve validation from someone else.
So with depression it's easy to blame other people when in fact there's no one to blame. It might sound unfair, it did to me at least, but the only thing you can do is except the fact that someone or something might bring out a feeling you have. This isn't that person's fault and if you don't work on it someone else will bring out that feeling again. It's not easy but nothing in life is really. As cliché as it sounds you need to love yourself before you can love someone else but that also counts for happiness. If you can't be happy by yourself, you are not ready to be happy with anyone else and we therefore need to learn to deal with our issues instead of pushing them under the carpet.
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