My Confusion and I

So it has been a while and to be honest my interest in writing has kind of disappeared at the moment, mostly because I spend at least 8 hours everyday in front of a computer expressing myself via code. For me that has been a way to express myself because I haven’t been able to get my feelings out in any other way. Maybe that’s just me swallowing everything that I’ve experienced or it’s simply my cope mechanism. Anyway, I can go on about what’s been going on in my life for sentences, well essays, but that’s not why I’ve started this post.  Moving swiftly on, the topic I want to discuss in this post and that has given me a tiny bit of will to write is the TV-show: 13 Reasons Why. After hearing about it for about a month I decided it was my turn to take a look into the mind of a 17 year old girl who committed suicide. I am not going to tell you the story because I think it’s something that can’t properly be expressed with my words but for the ones that haven’t seen it, the show is ...

Dear Independent, There is an article about mental strength that keeps popping up on my social media news feed. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/mentally-strong-people-dont-do-these-13-things-a6760646.html This article is explaining what people that are mentally strong don't do. As someone who is suffering from mental health issues I took offence by this article. You are explaining traits that some people have and basically saying that if you don't have these traits, you are weak. First of all, thank you! Thank you for making me feel even worse about myself than I already did. Now when I've said that I think I might need to give you an explanation for why I think you've simply got this all wrong. Everyone is different and priorities varies things in life, for some pleasing others might be the most important thing whilst others might just want to think about themselves. Some people enjoy taking risks, others don't. These th...

Today is yet another day created to raise awareness for mental health. It's time to talk about the my experience of depression because believe me, each experience is different. It's been a while since I expressed how I feel here and shared the difficulties I've had with this mental health lately. It's always been there inside of me, bubbling and trying to get out but I have pushed it away. So I cried myself to sleep? So what? That is probably because I had a stressful day. It's completely normal. So I cancelled my plans with my friends? I'm just tired after a long day. These were the excuses I constantly made without realising that I kept shoving my feelings deeper down. By doing this I ended up being filled with so much hatred and anger that I didn't even know how to express it anymore apart from taking it out on everyone, including myself. I blamed the people around me for my feelings and I avoided to accept the truth; I was not myself anymore and I needed...

I have recently on this blog mentioned how I am suffering from depression. By living with a mental illness, bad days is a re-occurring thing in my life and sometimes it can be for no reason at all apart from the fact that my brain simply won't produce enough serotonin for me to be able to feel the happiness that other people feel. This challenge in my life has led to me having to find ways to distract my brain from thinking all those negative thoughts that come and go constantly. I've tried mindfulness, therapy, breathing exercises and the list goes on and on. Even though some of these things have helped at times there is only one thing that has actually been able to calm me down recently; coding. I started learning code a few months ago but I immediately grew to love it. I am not always able to solve the issues but there is so much information out there that I will always be able to get around it somehow. So why do coding help me to relax? Well to be honest I think it's  ...