School just started in many countries which is for many kids very exciting and they're looking forward to see their friends again but for some kids this is something terrifying and horrible. These kids aren't going back to the safe environment where they can be themselves, they are coming back to a place where other kids are making fun of them, punching them, freezing them out and making them feel like they are worth less than the other kids around them. You might not have been exposed to this but you are very likely to know someone who has and that is why we need to talk about this issue, because it is something that is happening right infront of us.
Growing up, I was one of those kids. I was never physically bullied but I went to school everyday with the fear that no one would want to sit next to me or that I would have to stand alone during recess. In the UK 46% of children and young people say they have been bullied so I am clearly not the only one. 18% of these didn't tell their parents which makes this an even bigger issue. I was lucky enough to have parents that noticed that something was wrong, that constantly took the battle with the school to deal with the issue but it all went back to the feeling I had everyday; The problem was me.
When being bullied you tend to believe the one bullying you. They are cooler, smarter, prettier, funnier, more popular etc. You look up to them, try to be like them without realising that being one of them is not anything to strive for because in the end they aren't good people and probably have more problems than you do. But yet the society is blaming the bullied and not the bully. I was the one being sent to a psychologist, I needed to learn to deal with the feelings I had when someone made fun of me. I kept trying, kept talking to that strange woman than discretely gave me an awkward smile in the lunch cue and what happened? The bullies kept on making fun of me and I felt that I was the problem even more because if I was the one who had to go to a psychologist I was clearly the odd one.
Me being bullied led to me changing school. I could make new friends or to be honest, I could make friends. Just the fact that someone wanted to talk to me made me happy but my history haunted me. Everytime someone said something I didn't understand, or joked about me or simply wanted to sit next to someone else instead of me I felt left out again. I might have left the place that gave me bad memories but the feeling that those bullies gave me was impossible to just leave behind. Even though those words were from kids, some that even have apologised afterwards it has left a trace on me. I can sometimes feel like people don't care about me and that people are only talking to me to make fun of me afterwards. It made me not being able to trust people fully and doubting every single friendship I ever build. I haven't been bullied since I was about 10. That was 12 years ago. You would think that 12 years would heal all wounds but they don't and that is why bullying can damage your relations even as a grown-up.
The worst thing is, I'm not alone. This story could probably be told by most people around us. But we tend to close our eyes. We tell them it will get better. If someone is bullied they can switch school, sports team or whatever group you happen to be in. There is always somewhere to escape but we shouldn't be the ones to escape because we're not the one guilty. And bullying continues even at work places, universities, book clubs and in every single grown up environment. That doesn't surprise me though since the bullies aren't told as children that they are doing something wrong and the bullied grow up feeling that they need to get their revenge. I've seen it many times, people being bullied and their way of taking control is by becoming the bully and it creates a vicious circle.
So this year when you watch your kids, siblings, cousins or even neighbours walking off to school, try to think what you can do to prevent these kids coming home with the feeling that they are worth less than others just because a mean child in school has told them so. We need to stop bullying as early as possible because once the bullied starts to believe that he/she has done something wrong, it is too late.
Growing up, I was one of those kids. I was never physically bullied but I went to school everyday with the fear that no one would want to sit next to me or that I would have to stand alone during recess. In the UK 46% of children and young people say they have been bullied so I am clearly not the only one. 18% of these didn't tell their parents which makes this an even bigger issue. I was lucky enough to have parents that noticed that something was wrong, that constantly took the battle with the school to deal with the issue but it all went back to the feeling I had everyday; The problem was me.
When being bullied you tend to believe the one bullying you. They are cooler, smarter, prettier, funnier, more popular etc. You look up to them, try to be like them without realising that being one of them is not anything to strive for because in the end they aren't good people and probably have more problems than you do. But yet the society is blaming the bullied and not the bully. I was the one being sent to a psychologist, I needed to learn to deal with the feelings I had when someone made fun of me. I kept trying, kept talking to that strange woman than discretely gave me an awkward smile in the lunch cue and what happened? The bullies kept on making fun of me and I felt that I was the problem even more because if I was the one who had to go to a psychologist I was clearly the odd one.
Me being bullied led to me changing school. I could make new friends or to be honest, I could make friends. Just the fact that someone wanted to talk to me made me happy but my history haunted me. Everytime someone said something I didn't understand, or joked about me or simply wanted to sit next to someone else instead of me I felt left out again. I might have left the place that gave me bad memories but the feeling that those bullies gave me was impossible to just leave behind. Even though those words were from kids, some that even have apologised afterwards it has left a trace on me. I can sometimes feel like people don't care about me and that people are only talking to me to make fun of me afterwards. It made me not being able to trust people fully and doubting every single friendship I ever build. I haven't been bullied since I was about 10. That was 12 years ago. You would think that 12 years would heal all wounds but they don't and that is why bullying can damage your relations even as a grown-up.
The worst thing is, I'm not alone. This story could probably be told by most people around us. But we tend to close our eyes. We tell them it will get better. If someone is bullied they can switch school, sports team or whatever group you happen to be in. There is always somewhere to escape but we shouldn't be the ones to escape because we're not the one guilty. And bullying continues even at work places, universities, book clubs and in every single grown up environment. That doesn't surprise me though since the bullies aren't told as children that they are doing something wrong and the bullied grow up feeling that they need to get their revenge. I've seen it many times, people being bullied and their way of taking control is by becoming the bully and it creates a vicious circle.
So this year when you watch your kids, siblings, cousins or even neighbours walking off to school, try to think what you can do to prevent these kids coming home with the feeling that they are worth less than others just because a mean child in school has told them so. We need to stop bullying as early as possible because once the bullied starts to believe that he/she has done something wrong, it is too late.
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