My Confusion and I

As many of my readers already have understood I am slightly obsessed with volunteering in ambulances, as described in an earlier post this is not necessarily for the action but for the atmosphere there is in the ambulance. However, these last few weeks have been really intense and I've learnt so much more than I thought I would be able to. After finishing my EMT course I was headed back to the station I knew so well from before but this time with the eagerness of doing more than I've been able to do before, just to see that all I needed was the push to do more challenging things in the ambulance and even dare to go on the MICU. After a few shifts I felt that I was starting to get the hang of it. By "it" I mean carrying a bag much heavier than the one in the normal ambulance (with all medication in), not being the only one to treat the patient in the back and preparing needles, saline and other things for other people. By going on the MICU I thought I was going to get